I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
