so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
