i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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