3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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