When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
In America we eat man semen.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
