i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
