Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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