I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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