I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
