there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
