I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
