Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
