does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
