summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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