I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
