At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
