peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
