i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
