Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
