Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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