if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
