I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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