Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
