apparently the secret to your success is patron
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
