I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
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