Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
