I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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