okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
