Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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