Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
