The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
