I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
