therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
