Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
