I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
