I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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