Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
