Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
