The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
