I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
