just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
