Cold hands, warm shart.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
