Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
