Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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