your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
