Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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