you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
