This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
