i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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