The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
