Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
