Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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