I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
there is glitter all over my balls
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
