when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just invented taco cereal.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
