Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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