piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
